The Personal Website of David Kendig

We Split The Party

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Video made with: vizzy.io
Audio: Suno
Lyrics: Written, arranged, and edited by me
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[Verse 1]
We were five against the darkness, torches burning bright
The dungeon map was simple, just a left turn and a right
But the Rogue said “I’ll scout ahead,” the Wizard said “I’ll stay”
The Cleric wandered off to pray and the Ranger lost his way

[Chorus]
We split the party, oh what fools we were
Now the Bard is fighting solo and his hit points are a blur
We split the party, broke the sacred rule
Now we’re dying one by one like a bunch of level-two fools

[Verse 2]
The Rogue found thirty goblins in a room he can’t escape
The Wizard triggered every trap while searching for his cape
The Cleric’s out of spell slots talking to a cave wall shrine
And the Ranger’s been seduced by a mimic dressed in twine

[Chorus]
We split the party, oh what fools we were
Now the bard is fighting solo and his hit points are a blur
We split the party, broke the golden rule
Rolling natural ones forever, we deserve it, we’re the tool

[Bridge]
The DM’s laughing, rolling dice behind the screen
This is the worst tactical disaster that she’s ever seen
She didn’t plan for five encounters running all at once
But she’s not gonna stop us, we’re her favorite bunch of dunce

[Verse 3]
The Rogue is playing dead, the Wizard’s down to cantrips now
The Cleric’s praying to a god who won’t return his vow
The Ranger married the mimic, said it felt like fate
And the Bard? The Bard wrote this song outside the dungeon gate

[Chorus]
We split the party, and we paid the cost
Three characters retired, and a ranger’s love was lost
We split the party, never again we swore
…until next week at the table when we split up… on floor four

[Outro]
“Okay but what if I just check that one room real quick?”
“NO.”

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