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Video made with: vizzy.io
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[Verse 1]
The dragon’s dead, the dungeon’s cleared,
We’ve all survived, which is, frankly, weird…
Now gather ’round, my battle-scarred crew,
Let’s split the loot… this could take till morning.
[Chorus]
Who gets the goblet? Who gets the sword?
Who gets the cursed ring nobody can afford?
The rogue says “finders keepers,” the cleric says “that’s mine,”
The bard took seventeen percent for “emotional support” time.
[Verse 2]
The fighter wants the dragon’s scales,
The wizard wants the dragon’s tails,
The ranger wants the dragon’s teeth,
The paladin just wants a receipt.
He needs it for his temple’s books,
“It’s tax-deductible,” he insists,
While the rogue has already pocketed two.
[Chorus]
Who gets the goblet? Who gets the crown?
Who gets the boots that let you float six inches off the ground?
The barbarian says “I SMASH, I CHOOSE,”
The monk says “I need nothing”… but took the magic shoes.
[Bridge ]
“I literally died in that boss fight.”
“You were dead for forty-five seconds, Kevin.”
“It was a formative forty-five seconds.”
“You don’t get hazard pay for dying, that’s literally what dying IS.”
“I had to talk to an angel. Do you know how awkward that is? She knew about the thing in Baldur’s Gate…”
[Verse 3]
The rogue presents a spreadsheet now,
With color-coded columns, WOW!
Turns out she’s tracked each monster slain,
And calculated “kill-adjusted gain.”
The wizard did the least, it reads,
“I cast Shield seventeen times!” he pleads,
“That’s defensive contribution, dear,
Your dividend is… half a beer.”
[Chorus]
Who gets the goblet? Who gets the gem?
Who gets the Amulet of Charisma, we ALL could use it, friend.
The warlock’s patron wants a cut,
The artificer filed a lien,
This is the worst board meeting
this tavern has ever seen.
[Verse 4]
Three hours later, tempers high,
The bard has written wills for five,
The cleric’s drawn a pie chart now,
The fighter’s eating actual pie, somehow.
We fought a god and didn’t flinch,
We crossed a lake of fire, inch by inch,
But nothing tests the party’s bond
like sixty gold and a magic wand.
[Final Chorus]
Who gets the goblet? Nobody knows.
We’ve been arguing so long the tavern owner chose,
to charge us rent and the loot won’t cover it.
We’re somehow now in debt.
So here’s to the quest, the glory, the fame,
The friendships forged in dragon flame
They last right up until you claim…
the helmet that I saw first!
😡GARY, PUT IT DOWN, I SWEAR ON EVERY GOD IN EVERY TOWN😡
…So, same time next week?
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